The 13 Best Gifts for Worm Lovers
Are you often a hot person who feels, even just a little bit, like a worm? Or maybe you’re just down with worms. Maybe you see those shoestring bodies writhing in the mud after the rain, and think, She’s just like me FR. You’re not alone. Worms have been having a huge year, from the now ubiquitous “Would you still love me if I was a worm?” meme to Heidi Klum’s impressive Togo sofa worm Halloween costume, which she apparently spent two years making in anticipation of worm mania. The hotties that get it, get it.
Why worms, and why now? Worm lovers have always been around, from the 2018 Worm Woman Reddit bangers to the unhinged 1999 Disney Channel movie Can of Worms. But, as Henry Spychalski writes in this VICE article, the broader appeal of today’s worm mania is a barometer for the culture at large, which has shed the buttoned-up nature of a pre-COVID-19 demeanor for the freedom of wriggling in the dirt.
We first saw this through the rise of goblincore and its “no gender, just bugs” ethos. Goblincore’s unbothered, mossy mentality then seeped into the rise of Enyacore, a Whimsigoth-adjacent aesthetic for lovers of Irish peat bogs, all things late-90s, and Medieval Times. So it’s only natural that worms, which are quite literally at the foundation of it all, have come to round out this earthy, cultural reset. As Spychalski concludes, “[We] came from the mud, and in the age of alienation abstracted through ever-accelerating technology, mud represents a return to something real, tangible and primitive.”
The real fun is seeing how all of this [scoops sludge] is affecting style and decor. Among my own friends, it is not uncommon to send a text saying “Is this hot worm?” or, “Does this outfit say, ‘Cut me in half, I grow back?’” Worms are all wiggle, and no fuss. What could be hotter than that? They’re distressed knitwear, cyberpunk tribal tattoos, and Ren faire-ready ‘fits for every age, gender, and walk of life. Ethel Cain is a worm girl. Al Gore is a worm girl. I recently saw John Cale perform in Prospect Park in Brooklyn, and guess what he had as a screen backdrop? Worms. It turns out that everyone, from former Velvet Underground members to people on TikTok, is down to clown with worms.
That’s why we’re here, emerging from a mineral-rich pile of loam like a birthday cake stripper, to bring you the best gifts for worm lovers, from tried and true worm-whisperer tools to the kind of wormy streetwear that says, “My other car is an eroded log.”
The Dune author loved worms so much that he sat down to write lots and lots of pages about a planet that gets totally dommed by big, moody, ethereal sandworms. The cinematography of Denis Villeneuve’s 2021 Dune was stunning, and this insider look into its art direction is a nice way to prepare for the November release of Dune 2 while copping a coffee table flex that says, “I love worms and SciFi.”
Worm appreciation has even inched into streetwear, as evidenced by this pair of graphic “Brain Worms” sweats from the creative collective/brand Brain Dead. The squirmy designs hit a very 90s-nostalgic note with its Aaahh!!! Real Monsters vibe, so cop the set while it’s on sale.
Hiii. Picky, flowery/stuffy perfume-hating worm girl here.I have been obsessed with Fischersund, the perfumery of Jónsi (yes, of Sigur Rós fame) for years now, because the Icelandic brand’s scents are just as moody, earthy, and inviting as the band’s music. No. 54 is my mainstay for a woodsy, unisex scent that Fischersund describes as a blend of wet dirt, uprooted moss, and “dirty leather, animalistic musk, and ammonia.” The solid perfume is made by Jónsi’s own family in Iceland, and poured into little hand-distressed tins for on-the-go use.
Is it a worm? An alien? Part of a glass sculpture by Dale Chihuly? Unbound Babes’s Stellar dildo is one of the coolest-looking sex toys out there with its postmodern design and shimmering, borosilicate glass material. The versatile toy is designed for both G-spot and anal stimulation, requires no batteries, is compatible with all lubes, and sure does look sick hanging above your bed.
Rattler, whimydiddle, gee-haw stick—a worm summoning tool by any name would be just as GOATed as this device, which has many nicknames and one sole purpose: summoning worms from the earth for fishing (or flirting!). The rattling or “grunting” sound of the ridges simulate the sound of rain, thus summoning/cat-fishing the worms out of the earth to see wassup. Great first date activity.
… Alternatively, you could cop some prop worms. Especially now that we’re edging Spooky Season.
Haven’t you seen Fantastic Fungi? Worms and mushrooms have a symbiotic relationship serving Mother Mycelium. This at-home oyster mushroom grow kit from Back to the Roots is an Amazon bestseller, because it can help you become a shroom farmer regardless of experience. The high-rated kit has over 27,300 mostly glowing reviewers, including one stan who writes, “The mushrooms appeared on day 7. Oyster mushrooms, in my opinion, have the best taste, very potent and clean flavor. They are perfect for soups, sauces, and sauté well with other veggies and meats.” Plus, it’s the perfect gift for the Deadhead in your life/friend who won’t stop talking about microdosing magic mushrooms.
Whether you have an elaborate outdoor irrigation system or a few geraniums on your fire escape, you need worm castings. When we asked a TikTok-famous urban farmer about his tricks for happy and healthy soil, he said that worm castings—as in, worm poo—are excellent at aerating and enriching the soil with minerals. Now, I never go into planting season without them.
If you like to wear your memes on your sleeve, this postmodern shirt is perfect. As one Amazon reviewer writes about the versatile ‘fit, “I will be wearing it to all the finest occasions; such as weddings, funerals, formal parties, my graduation, and even to the convenience store on the corner.”
If you have $2K to spend on this kingly, khaki worm ‘fit from Sky High Farm Workwear, congratulations. You have clearly made it big, but stayed close to your roots (worms) with a deadstock wool set that can seamlessly transition you into fall. Top it all off with the brand’s stoner-approved wellies, and you’re ready to commune with the fam (worms).
Here’s to worms and the people who worship them.
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